I love my life. Are there parts of it that are less enjoyable than other? Of course, but those parts are just the little bit of rain that must fall in order for the good things to grow. I've gotten much better at focus some of my time in personal development, thinking about my life and the lessons that I've learned and how I can share those with others. So when I was reliving our wedding day the morning of our anniversary (Yes I can still recall every detail from the skeptical looks when I handed out a scheduled breakdown of the day in 15 min increments- are you surprised?- to the fun the girls and I had getting ready, the moments before I walked down the aisle to finally getting kicked out of the party room and curling up with my new husband, to excited to sleep) I wanted to pass along a few things I wish I had known as I cried over that rain- it would have made it seem like such a small thing.
4 Lessons Learned in the Rain:
- It's about the people not that 1 day. Despite the rain, our wedding day turned out to be spectacular! People followed my schedule (type A must do!) and things flowed well. But that wasn't what made it spectacular. It was spectacular because our friends and family came together and enjoyed each other's company. Most of those people are still in our lives and celebrate our ups and support our downs. The dance will end, your feet will hurt, the flowers will wilt and, eventually, those adorable fighting fish center pieces will die- but the memories of how absolutely epic that day was will be what stays with you.
- Marry someone you really like, because some days you won't be in love with them. Seriously did I just say that?!. Yup. Not everyone has the type of relationship that is hot 24/7. You know why there aren't more divorces? Because both partners aren't out of love with the other at the same time. Don't mistake this to mean that G and I don't love each other because we do. Being in love and loving someone are different. When you love someone you can learn almost anything together. It's a choice you make everyday to be there for the other person (be it your husband, sister, friend). In love is all controlled by the pheromones and you have very little control over that. And, if you are lucky, there will be so many days that you have that "head over heels, luckiest person in the world" feeling and not so many days that you hear yourself saying to yourself "And that's when I killed him your Honour"....
- Marriage is a business. Before you get all upset think about it. You have a house to run, bills to pay, upkeep to do, assets to control If you so choose you can create new divisions (aka the littles) and each little you add to the home creates the need for a new schedule, division of labour and finances. And if you don't pay attention to the details of your business it will all fall apart. You'll resent each other and you'll be in a terrible financial mess. So schedule meetings to review schedules, decide on activities and review your finances. You'll be happier with both partners knowing exactly what is going on with the money, the activities and the goals. And like any well organized business put your affairs in order so your children do not need to deal with a great big mess when you are gone. It's not fair to your family to leave them with the stress that comes with that.
- Date night is important. When we first got married, G and I would go to the movies, out for dinner and on random adventures. Sometimes with friends, sometimes just by ourselves. It was so nice to get away from the day to day realities of work and managing the business of our marriage. Enter children and most couples forget date night. We don't do it as much as we should but now we are trying. We've found ourselves raising our littles and growing and changing in the process. If you don't date and keep talking and having fun you'll be strangers before you know it. This advice sticks around because time and time again it has been proven by people much more wise than we are. (FYI- If you happen to go on a dinner date on the Halifax waterfront beware that the pigeons have no fear and will dive the harbour side patio in search of your food...)
I love our life and how we challenge each other, understand each other and give each other space when needed. Most important decision you can make is to marry someone you want to grow old with, it makes all the difference.
Happy Anniversary G!